“The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of.” – Holly Golightly, Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Today I have the Mean Reds.
It’s one of those days, where my biggest fear – that every bad thing I’ve ever though about myself is true – feels so very, very true.
It’s one of those days when I look in the mirror and think, “Ugh. I am never going to lose this baby weight and I am disgusting” because on days of the Mean Reds, the only thing that helps is chocolate, ice cream, or bacon. Preferably chocolate ice cream with a side of bacon. I’m only sort of kidding.
It’s one of those days where I wonder “what’s the point?” of this blog. Am I ever going to be a writer? Am I ever going to write anything anyone thinks is worth reading?
It’s one of those days when I take a look across my kitchen floor at the mud-spots, dog-hair, and dirt that never seems to come off, and want to simultaneously scrub my life until it shines, and take off in the car and never return (not that I would ever do it).
It’s one of those days where I secretly fear that I am a horrible mother, and I am, as we speak, ruining my daughter’s life by any number of choices I make daily.
It’s one of those days when I wonder if all my pants will either have elastic waistbands or make me look like a muffin for the rest of my life.
It’s one of those days where the thought of another baby makes me want to, literally, run screaming down the street.
It’s one of those days where even the sweetest of my sweet girl’s grins can’t penetrate my hard heart.
It’s one of those days where it’s either going to be takeout or bloodshed.
Today I have the Mean Reds. They really are horrible.
Sarah, you are a wonderful, beautiful woman, and an amazing mother. Yours is one of my all-time favorite blogs, and I am so, so thankful that you write it! You have a unique voice that really speaks to my heart.
I have had Mean Reds days, too. I can remember feeling like having another baby, EVER, would be enough to make me run screaming down the street. And I have indulged in more than my fair share of chocolate (should’ve had the bacon!). I hope your day gets better.
Oh, Sarah. I hate those days.
I am only helped on those days by two things.
1) cleaning my entire house with a fury. This can only be accomplished if the Ogre is home, because if I attempt it when he’s not I spend the whole day screaming at the children to stay out of my way. Not fair.
2) Don’t fight them. Put on comfy PJ’s, pull up all your favorite movies on Netflix, eat chocolate ice cream, and go to bed early after a glass of wine and a bath. You’ll feel better in the morning. I promise.
So sorry, Sarah! Feel better, my friend!
Feel better! These days come to us all, you are an awesome mother, friend and writer and some day soon you will know that again.
I’m confused: how can you be angry when looking at that cute picture?!
Totally kidding.
I am sorry that it is one of those days. I hope that tomorrow will be better. Make yourself some chocolate covered bacon and enjoy a long walk alone as soon as you get the chance.
Oh sister friend, I could have written this post myself. I almost wrote another “I Feel Fat” post today. If you ever want to vent, shoot an email my way. I’m totally getting where you’re coming from!
Ugh, I had one of those days just yesterday, too, though not quite as bad as yours it sounds. I thought I was going to cry half a dozen times and ate a bunch of cake and cursed sleep training books. Hope today is better for you!
I hate those days! Hope today is much better for you!!
I hate having those days! But, this too, will pass. Hang in there!!! And thanks for reminding me of that movie/quote!! The mean reds….I’ll have to remember that on my next Mean-Red day.
Oh honey. I’m so sorry! A couple of thoughts:
I’ve had the chocolate-covered bacon ice cream days, too. Usually at the end, I’ve eaten my weight in junk food and I don’t feel better. And the solution is often (though I rarely take this advice myself) to get moving! It’s a lovely day outside! Walk around a bit and soak up the springtime!
Will you ever be a writer? I think you already answered your question! If you’re writing, you’re a writer. You’re a few steps ahead, because (as evidenced by these comments) people are actually reading what you’re writing! Bonus!
Every mother I’ve ever known has had these same feelings. It’s OK.
And finally, I do not like that the personification of your anxiety and fear is a redheaded girl.
Hope today is better!!! Love you!