Sometimes I get sucked in. I know better. But sometimes, when it’s a good article, I think, “Oh I’ll just take a look at what people have said.” This n-e-v-e-r ends well.
On websites like CNN, or any major news network, I *never* look at ComBoxes. It makes the soul sick.
Sadly, though, it seems that even on websites that are frequented by Catholics, the lack of charity and consideration in comment boxes is rampant. I’m not entirely sure why this is. But it makes me very sad.
Lately I only read the comments on personal, family based blogs with any regularity. Even on some of these blogs, if the topic at hand is serious enough, the ComBox monster rears its ugly head, even among otherwise faithful, loving people.
When I was growing up, one of the major lessons that my grandparents taught me was that “You can disagree without being disagreeable.” I’d be surprised if most children (especially Christian children) weren’t still being raised with this message.
However, there’s something about the ComBox. Perhaps its because we’re sitting alone in our home or a coffee shop, and we feel insulated by the anonimity of it all.
Perhaps its because we just feel so strongly about a topic that we dash off a comment without thinking about how it might be taken by the person on the other end of the screen.
The majority of bloggers are not being handsomely paid for their writing. They are taking time away from their family and other duties to share something they have poured themselves into. It seems almost cruel the way some people will stomp on the words of others, simply because they do not agree. Internet forums seem to make this human tendency even worse.
So what do we do about the ComBox monster?
For some people, it might be to never read comments on certain sites, or even at all. For others, perhaps they feel called to set an example for others by showing charity.
I rarely comment on large news type stories, though I do occasionally comment at Faith and Family Live or National Catholic Register. I follow a simple set of rules for commenting:
(1) I never say anything I wouldn’t want someone to say to me.
and
(2) I never say anything I wouldn’t say to someone’s face.
I can’t help but wonder if those two little rules might help reduce the allure of the ComBox monster?
How do you deal with internet comments? Do you leave them? Do you have any rules for your own for posting comments? Why do you think the ComBox monster is so prevalent?
I totally agree about the ComBox monster, but also feel that people should really watch what they post on the Internet as well.
In the age of FaceBook, MySpace and other “networking” sites, I find that some people get WAYYY to personal and detailed in the information they post. I don’t need to know about most of that which comes across my monitor…people may say the same thing about what I post, but most of the time I try to keep my thoughts PG-13 at worst.
The Internet provides this veil for people to hide behind but I think guidelines are perfect Sarah!
No one is leaving comments to this one. We don’t want to be monsters, lol.
Col,
You could never be a monster.
I totally agree with your rules – and that is what I follow myself. I get so frustrated by some of the hurtful, rude comments that are out there. It’s just not necessary and counterproductive, IMHO.
Thanks for this post, sometimes I’ve wondered if I’m the only person who feels this way!
Ha! I agree with colleen! just kidding. I do think its hard to read because i know because of the veil of anonymity, I don’t know who my commenters are, so I could just as easily take something out of context when maybe someone just has a brash personality. I know that blogging is not for the thin-skinned (which was one reason I was nervous to start in the first place!), since putting things out in the open really does invite the critique and criticism of others. I’m also probably misunderstood since I’m a pretty honest, or shall we say, frank person in real life so I don’t mind as much when people are that way online. However, that never excuses outright rude behavior, so I guess I’m talking about the comments that fall in the grey area.
Also, according to the major news network comment feeds, many people use the combox as a source of stress relief! Eessh!
Good thoughts. I used to leave a lot more comments on sites, but I’m with you in that I don’t comment so much except on smaller blogs with people I “know”. Sometimes I’ll leave other comments, but even if I have something that I think might be constructive, once there’s a combox fight, I stay out. It just isn’t worth it!
I also stay away from reading the comments on anything but blogs in my network. Your rules are good!
I’m a crazy-commenter. I can’t help thinking that only those who comment on my blog actually read, and I imagine that others like comments and would enjoy knowing that I actually read their posts.
I too follow your rules, but part of my problem is that there is a lot that I would not mind said to me, so sometimes I comment in ways that may bother others, even though I certainly did not intend to!
One thing that has bothered me recently is when I have seen commenters (neither one being the blogger) who tear into each other (perhaps unintentionally) without even bothering to click through the link to the other’s blog and “get to know them” and see where they are coming from. That, I think, would help with a lot of unnecessarily negative reading/responding.
I love your rules and I too live by them.
You mentioned some big sites like National Catholic Reporter, that is one site I will no longer read the comments on. I have NEVER read such rude, unChristian comments (mostly anonymous) anywhere else as I have read there.
It is those comments that bother me because they are so unkind and so hurtful. So sites like that I have to avoid comments on.
I think that hiding behind anonymity makes some people feel they can say anything and everything they want. I prefer more tempered responses, or even heated responses that are respectful of others differing viewpoints.