Atticus and I have not shunned Halloween. Instead we’re choosing to focus on this day as a Church holiday, because, after all, that’s what it is. It is All Hallow’s Eve, which means, the eve of all holy souls. Now October 31 is the day before November 1. November 1 is the feast of All Saints, thereby making the night before it…the eve of all holy souls. Moving right along.
Obviously since America was founded by Protestants who disdained anything that smelled remotely like a feast day, or saints, or …anything Catholic, Halloween has become a secular holiday that’s all about being as bloody, creepy, murder and gore loving as humanly possible, and then consuming as much sugar as humanly possible, until you’re forced to crawl into your bed bemoaning your sad existence and your choice to eat the 12th KitKat bar (personal testimony). And of course, if you’re a girl over the age of 13, then it’s become about wearing as little clothing as humanly possible on October 31st, and putting the entire contents of your body on display right along next to the skulls and bed-sheet ghosts.
And why shouldn’t it be that way? From my estimation, the three things Americans like best are death, empty calories, and sex.
All of this is by way of a Halloween Proposition. I’m sure many of you have heard about the Day Without A Mexican campaign that took place some time ago. The idea was that Hispanic immigrants, who do most of the grunt labor and dirty jobs in our country would all call in sick on the same day, thereby showing the American people how valuable their labor really is. I think this was a great idea. I was a whole-hearted supported of A Day Without A Mexican.
Now, I am proposing this October 31 — drumroll please — A Day Without A Scantily Clad Woman.
That’s right. I propose that we say, with one loud voice, that no longer is it common practice for women to just “wear lingerie and some kind of ears” on Halloween, in lieu of a costume that requires creativity or actual forethought. I propose that we women either put on some real clothing on this Halloween night, or just stay home.
And please, for the love of God and all things good, if you insist on dressing like you’ve had a run in with Edward Scissorhands, at least put on a sweater! It’s only 50 degrees outside, I don’t care how many long island iced tea’s you’ve had!
And just in case you don’t believe me on this one, here’s Mean Girls to take it on home.